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Girl: I was taking shots and chugging and then all of a sudden my clothes fell off.

Girl: You know what, Mom?  Fuck this school, I’m gonna do porn.

Girl: I’m gonna watch “Happy Gilmore” and then go out drinking later.
Guy: You’re killing brain cells all types of ways today, aren’t you?

Girl 1: I bet you 20 bucks you will make out with a stranger at the club this weekend.
Girl 2: I’m not gonna bet because I already know I’m not sleeping in my own bed this weekend.

Guy: Dude, are we going back to the room? I need to watch “Wife Swap.”

Guy: Everytime I call you, man, you’re either skeetin’ or sleepin’.

Girl: Yeah, that was the dildo my mom bought me.

Girl: I think i blacked out last night, I woke up and my clothes were still on, that’s a plus! Where are we going out tonight? Sal’s? They give me the most booze there.

Guy: How did he get a bruise on his penis?